You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
