god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
