Redeem this text for a blowjob
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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