He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
