Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
