It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
