Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
two words: eviction party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
