I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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