Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
