I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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