I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
