She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
