dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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