You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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