Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
