I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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