so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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