Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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