I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
