Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
