This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
