Can Purell be used as lube?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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