Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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