Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We have started to decorate penises.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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