dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
