I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
