Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
