I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
