It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
