i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
