So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cockslap morals
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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