Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
