im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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