I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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