There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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