Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
