i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
