he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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