I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
