We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He passed out mid-signature
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
