When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
birth control should be required to get into college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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