I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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