So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
