I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
