I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
