dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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