ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
