I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently the secret to your success is patron
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
