I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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