This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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