I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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